i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
