I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
