I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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