Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
