who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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