I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
