Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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