She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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