just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
