Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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