yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
