College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My cat gives me a boner
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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