What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
