tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
