I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
