Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
