it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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