the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Of course I have a pirate flag
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
