I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
