I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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