I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
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