I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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