He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
