hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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