Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
