there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
