you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
