I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
