we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Of course I have a pirate flag
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
