are you still at the devil's house?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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