the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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