Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
