at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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