im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
