I heard we made out
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
