My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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