You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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