just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
