I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Last time i carry you out of a forest
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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