she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
