1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
