how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
