I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
