I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
