oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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