i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let the clothes fall where they may.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
