I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
