I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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