totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
