Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
