i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
