What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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