A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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