When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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