I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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