(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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